I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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