My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
