I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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