She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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