first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
