I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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