I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
