is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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