i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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