Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
