he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
