dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
