i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
