wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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