i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
