Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
