did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
