I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
