So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
