Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
