Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
