Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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