Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
