It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
