can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
