The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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