I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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