Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
