she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
