Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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