I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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