I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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