can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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