fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
