Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
