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I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
