The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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