Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
