NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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