In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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