2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
