The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
