Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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