home. puking in laundry basket.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
