So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
