My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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