Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
