im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
