she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
