I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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